tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38171587216371427132024-03-05T15:07:44.515-05:00Azalea BabyOops! I'm Infertile!Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-82065196812448572362008-10-23T10:49:00.004-04:002008-10-23T10:59:20.457-04:00Toughin It OutWell, I'm making it thru the week. I didn't win the raffle for the free IVF cycle, so that's gone w/ the wind. I didn't expect to, but it would have been a nice surprise.<br /><br />This week would have been my due date week (depending on which calculator you use). It was somewhere between Oct. 18th and 24th. So I'm trying to not get too sad. I may need an extra dose of Celexa though. A guy at work (did I mention I've gone back to work - it's great, really... gravy paycheck and all)...anyway, his wife is bringing their 4 month old by in a little bit. She's brought him by a couple of times, and I've struggled thru with a smile on my face. Hopefully today will be the same, but it's still hard.<br /><br />I need to get back into reading others blogs. I miss keeping up with others, but then again, I tend to get too wrapped up into it.<br /><br />Anyway, bye for now.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-58576022674452550842008-10-16T14:42:00.002-04:002008-10-16T14:46:08.878-04:00Still AroundWell, I'm still alive. Sorry I have been gone, but I just had to get away from the blog world of IF for a while. My regular OB/GYN put me on a mild anti-depressant which I must say is a good thing. I thought I was dealing ok w/ the first IVF not working, but things just went downhill. So she put me on generic Celexa. It has helped tremendously.<br /><br />Anyway, there is an IVF seminar this weekend where they raffle off 3 IVF cycles, so wish me luck...Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-63287714921767795362008-05-06T11:13:00.003-04:002008-05-06T11:26:48.826-04:00Well... It's Here!Only two days left until my 36th b-day on Thursday. WAIT!... Before you wish me a happy birthday, there's nothing happy about it. I was supposed to be pg. And if turning yet another year older isn't bad enough, then there's mother's day on Sunday. Way back when this IVF stuff began, this week was the week that I had been either waiting on or dreading. And now that it's here, it's as bad as I had imagined. I just don't want to be here. I want it to be next week already. Every year, I seem to have a lot of anxiety about my birthday, and it's gotten worse since we found about our IF. Before, I guess I just didn't like being the center of attention or that people do stuff just for me. Now, it's a whole other can of worms.<br /><br />On top of all this, there's DH's DD. I surely hope she doesn't wish me a happy mothers day or even worse, do something for me on this particular day... crap! How am I supposed to deal with it if she does?<br /><br />I guess I'll just lean on my ol' friend... avoidance.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-36941123823098019662008-04-23T16:06:00.002-04:002008-04-23T16:21:57.274-04:00HopelessWell, I got the call. Beta was negative. Just as I expected. So, that's it. I am done here. I am to stop all meds and I removed my patches.<br /><br />Thanks for all the support and well wishes. You guys are great! I will probably still lurk around out of habit.<br /><br />As for my next step... um, well, I just had my first caffeine drink in 2 weeks... a big ole Coca Cola, and then I'll probably have my first alcohol drink in a little while... not sure yet what it will be, either a Budlight or a homemade from scratch pina colada... yummy... or maybe one or several of each. I just took a long, hot shower and then a long hot bath.<br /><br />As for my next step on the IF front... um, well, I'm not sure. I had to talk DH into doing IVF this one time (1 fresh & 1 FET). I had hoped for more embryos to do more FET's but that wasn't the case. So, now it's back to square one. We are completely out of money, so I'll have to save up on my own and beg him to possibly do another one. It's not that he doesn't want a baby, he just can't justify spending that kind of money on it. As for me, I could do it over and over at least a couple more times. I guess it's the desperation. As for now, it's time to lose about 20 lbs and try to enjoy the summer.<br /><br />Wow, I sound really upbeat. It's weird like that. Maybe it's the estrogen patches, because on one hand I'm relieved and ready to move on, but on the other, I'm facing my empty life. That's what it is... an empty life, full of hang overs and avoidance. I've turned into a total freak. It's like I can't carry on a conversation with anyone, I can't relate to anyone (except you wonderful people). It's this big ugly thing hovering over my head... argh!<br /><br />Alright, I'm tired of talking about it, and my eyes are burning.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-16927114049613964522008-04-22T09:31:00.002-04:002008-04-22T09:38:21.619-04:001 day until BetaAnd I don't feel anything other than AF type twinges/cramps. I'm hoping for a miracle. I don't have any sore bb's or any other pg type symptoms. I did POAS yesterday and got a BFN. It was not an early pg test, so I'm hoping it was just too early. I have been extremely moody, but I think this is due to this being IT (along w/ the estrogen patches). Anyway, at this point, it has either worked or it hasn't. Please let this have worked.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-23015917376701722782008-04-17T14:49:00.008-04:002008-04-17T15:05:52.924-04:00I have CRS... BAD!!!I can't remember shit!... CRS! I can't remember if I take my vitamins & aspirin in the mornings. The other day, I couldn't think of a guy's name (at work) that I talk to on a regular basis. I forgot about the PIO that one night... CRAP! I just had a panic as to if I was supposed to have put on 4 new estrogen patches today. I had to break out the calendar and count back to a day when I could specifically remember having put them on. I couldn't think of what those little red bugs were called (and I was even looking at a picture of one)... um, a lady bug... helloooo ??? I mean, WTF? This has been going on since before the transfer, or I think it did... I CAN'T REMEMBER. I feel like such a scatter brain, and that is so not like me. Maybe it's the evil progesterone.<br /><br />I feel like there's more... but once again, I can't remember!!! hahaha...Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-6772182275027784772008-04-16T13:30:00.006-04:002008-04-16T15:51:34.963-04:00All In KnotsI wanted to report that, during the night, I had a weird feeling in my ute area. It wasn't really cramping. I don't think it was gas, etc. It was like a knot feeling, like my whole uterus was a knot (tight feeling). It was still there after I got up to pee and didn't get worse or subside, but it was just enough discomfort for me to be take note. This morning it was gone... I am at 5dp3dt.<br /><br />Oh, I found something new to do while I'm awake in the middle of the night... I rub my butt to help the PIO knots go away. All the while I try to find the next place for DH to stab me in between them.<br /><br />Just got the call from the nurse about my "Half Time" labs bloodwork. My E2 is at 196 and P4 is at 50. She said everything looks good and to keep on the patches and PIO.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-41416481838232850862008-04-14T14:18:00.003-04:002008-04-14T15:22:33.564-04:00Off and RunningThe 2WW is off and running. This is 3dp3dt (if my math is correct) and hopefully implantation is in full swing. I have noticed a good amount more of CM but that is probably just the progesterone or estrogen or pineapple.<br /><br />Funny story... I had cut up the most delicious pineapple (from Sam's Club) and had it chillin in the fridge for the week. Well, my Brother and SIL came by with their plethera of girls (ages 5, 7, 8 & 12). Anyway, I had plenty of it (the container was bulging) so I offered them some. I tell you what, it's a good thing I had already eaten some earlier, because it was gone in about 2 minutes. It looked like a feeding frenzy, I swear... hahaha. I should have known better. Usually those girls won't eat anything but junk food. I figured they may eat about half of it. Boy, was I wrong. This morning I had to go get another one. Of course, it's not nearly as ripe and sweet yet, but I cut it up anyway and ate some near the top that was pretty ripe (and yummy sweet).Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-7323789256922153692008-04-12T10:30:00.002-04:002008-04-12T10:42:59.319-04:004 on BoardWell, transfer went well yesterday. I didn't get a chance to post because of being on bedrest. Anyway, all four embryos thawed, but they weren't all of great quality. There was an 8 cell grade 2, a 6 cell grade 2, a 4 cell grade 3 and a 3 cell grade 3. The RE said the first two were ok, but the other two were not so ok. So that's it. All four were transferred. I'm not too optimistic about this, but there's not much I can do at this point. I have been taking a prenatal vitamin w/ an extra folic acid vitamin and a low dose aspirin. Hopefully, this will do the trick. Oh, and don't forget the pineapple. I'm such a dork, I know... :)<br /><br />I have half time labs on 04/16 where they check E2 & P4 and then Beta, E2 & P4 on 04/23. Now it's just time to wait it out.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-42741753136394822652008-04-09T11:09:00.003-04:002008-04-09T11:43:00.815-04:00More InfoI spoke with the nurse this morning. I called to remind them that I am 2 1/2 hours away. And she said that they had that down in my chart, but she did give me a tentative time for transfer... 10:30 am on Friday, 04/11. Yeaaaa, now was that so hard for them. She said they wouldn't be thawing until that morning so they won't be able to give any kind of a thaw report. I guess if the embryos make it, they make it. If they don't, they don't, and they'll call me on the road. Also, I'll have "Half Time" labs on the 16th and then my Beta will be on the 23rd. I had to ask (finally) what the half time labs are. She said they just check my levels (E2 & P4) half-way thru the 2WW. I guess my 2WW actually starts today. Oh, and I now know the strong urine smell is from the PIO... b/c it's baaaack. Only 2 days on it and yuck. Another "Oh"... I forgot about the PIO last night. DH mentioned it at 9:38pm and I said "CRAP, I knew there was something I was forgetting."<br /><br />Also, I went to the Chiropractor Monday. Man, I was overdue for a neck crackin'. And then, I splurged and got a massage Tuesday. Man, it was heaven. I'm hoping it helped me to relax. I tried to tell her about what all is going on. Little did I know that she is a very "Fertile"... 5 (grown) kids and all. She kept telling me to relax and visualize being pg, etc, etc. I do need to relax, my whole right side of my body is so tense. I think it's from 15 years of computer work. She also told me to not let anybody massage my feet or ankles once I do the transfer and get pg. Which I'm glad to have someone who "knows" to tell me something to do or not do. I felt so good yesterday afternoon. I need to do that more often.<br /><br />Anyway, my DH's DD friend requested me on MySpace. I'm such an old person. I do have an account, but I don't have any pictures or anything. I basically opened an account (months ago) with the minimum info required, just to look up other people... hahahaha. I accepted her request, but now I feel somewhat like an idiot b/c I don't have anything (photos, etc) in my profile. And no, I'm not gonna rush out and start posting stuff. I just don't want to take the time. Maybe I can do a little bit here and there during the 2WW.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-91762347462132113282008-04-07T13:44:00.004-04:002008-04-07T15:25:51.604-04:00Lining CheckToday is day 14 and I had my lining check along w/ b/w & u/s. At first, the RE thought it was only a 6T, but after a little more poking and prodding, he said it was an 8t. I was hoping for something closer to a 10, but I guess an 8 will do. Transfer is set for Friday, 4/11. They will call me that morning with the time to come in. Hopefully, my lining will thicken even more over the next few days. I'm up to 4 patches every other day and I started the PIO and doxycycline (antibiotic) today.<br /><br />I can't help but notice how my emotions are all over the place today. Hope is no where to be found - thankfully. I just can't get out of my mind that this will probably not work. One minute, I'm fine with it and the next, I'm tearing up. I'm trying to stay busy to keep my mind off of it.<br /><br />DH's DD came over yesterday w/ her DD. It was a good visit. She stayed pretty late (midnite) and she and DH talked the whole time. I went to bed around 9 b/c I had to get up to drive 2.5 hours to my RE appt. this morning. I was a little annoyed that she would keep a baby (9 mo old) out until midnite! Am I over-reacting about this? Anyway, her DH works until 12, so I guess she's used to staying up w/ the baby to go pick him up from work. I had made a pallet on the floor for her to lay her down on, but I could hear her still awake from my bed (around midnite). Oh well, I'm not gonna judge (too much). I'm just glad that DH and she were able to talk for a long period of time.<br /><br />Anyway, more later... just waiting on Friday... yeaaa!!! Pray that all 4 embryos thaw ok... the RE is expecting that only 3 will make it (70-75% rate). Either way, we're a go for FET as I'm paid up... $1,927.00.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-61976335150504456062008-04-04T11:26:00.004-04:002008-04-04T11:40:38.731-04:00Gettin It DoneWell, I just e-filed our tax returns... YEAAAAA! just in time for TGIF. Now, on to next week's FET. I think I am really nervous about it. What if it doesn't work? This is it. There are no more embryos to try again. The only way we could try again is if MIL gives us more $ (and specifically says to use it for another try), or we win the lottery, or I get a job w/ IVF coverage. On top of that, I practically had to beg DH to do this one try. He's not one to spend so much money on something without there being better odds (you know). This is the reason MIL would have to specifically say to use the $ for IVF. He would not go for it, unless this happens.<br /><br />On the other hand, it would be a relief to get back to living.<br /><br />Things I would do if this doesn't work:<br /><br />1. Go on a crazy diet and lose weight<br />2. Exercise.<br />3. Travel, travel, travel.<br />4. Get a 2 seater sports car.<br />5. Go all out on renovating our house.<br /><br />There are more, but they've skipped my mind.<br /><br />But............. What if it does work? Crap, I'm not gonna let hope get even a toe in the door. I'm just too superstitious. I did tell my Mom, MIL, SIL & BIL just because they've asked.<br /><br />It's almost here. I'm up to 4 patches and I go in on Monday for lining check. So, next week will be somewhat eventful.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-40651514343909495142008-03-25T10:30:00.007-04:002008-03-25T15:06:51.560-04:00One of Two Is DoneWell, one of two anxieties is done with. I finally met DH's DD yesterday afternoon. She is sweet and cute, just as you would expect a 20 year old to be. And her DD is just as sweet and cute as a 9 month old is expected to be. The three of us (me, DH & DD) had a good, light hearted chat at the kitchen table. She seems very personable and genuine. Nothing too deep was discussed. Mostly, we ooh'd and aah'd and the baby who was discovering all the dirt on the kitchen floor. I desperately need to clean this house. I just hate house cleaning, hate it, hate it. The other anxiety (AF) is still MIA.<br /><br />Actually there are four anxieties that I would like to get done with before the FET:<br /><br />1) Meet DH's DD - done!<br />2) AF to show up<br />3) Finish project for work so I can do #4<br />4) Taxes - UGH! dreaded taxes<br /><br />If #3 doesn't get done soon (like, by this Friday) due to people making changes, then it will be put on the back burner, and I will move on to #4. I just cannot wait until mid April to do our taxes. I absolutely refuse to wait until then. I will get them done, done.<br /><br /><em>Edited to add:</em> AF has actually decided to show up today... yeaaaa! So, two of two (errr, four) things... done! I immediately put on a Vivelle dot, and then I called and scheduled my day 13 appointment for b/w and u/s for Monday, April 7th. Actually, this will be day 14, but my RE won't be there on Sunday, and I guess day 14 is fine. Then transfer will be 2 or 3 days after. We have 4 day 3 embryos in the freezer, and I am praying that at least 3 of them thaw ok. So, FET #1 has officially started.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-31408791487513599542008-03-24T15:13:00.002-04:002008-03-24T15:21:12.336-04:00Nothing NewWell, I was expecting AF to arrive yesterday. Of course, she didn't and still no sign of her today. So, I'm just waiting and doing a TP check quite frequently. As for the new DD, I did not meet her this past weekend. She is not quite ready, and I am somewhat relieved because I'm not ready either. DH did take her to breakfast yesterday (Easter) morning. It was just the two of them. I guess that was a good thing. This is totally unfamiliar territory, so I don't know what to expect, or how to act or anything. But, I am just not going to worry about it, or try to not worry about it... I guess. That's all for now. Like the title says "Nothing New".Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-27582154244652188672008-03-20T10:25:00.002-04:002008-03-20T10:32:01.235-04:00Olive BranchOk, I just extended an olive branch. I responded to DH's DD's email for him. I told her that I am excited, yet nervous, about meeting her. That I knew the day would come, but I didn't know when. I also told her that I wish it would have happened many years ago. Now, I'm really nervous. I haven't had this feeling in the pit of my stomach in a long, long time. Like back in school when it was cheerleading or dance line tryouts. I didn't even feel like this with any of the IVF procedures, not even before surgery. I'm definitely gonna need a valium to meet her... just to take the edge off. I just so happen to have some from my dentist (believe it or not) for TMJ... woohoo, gotta luv my dentist.<br /><br />Oh yeah, HAPPY SPRING!!! I have been waiting all winter long for this day... yeaaaa!Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-5282229456949253212008-03-17T12:11:00.015-04:002008-03-17T13:42:06.627-04:00At A Loss HereI didn't really want to post about this, but I guess I might as well since it is life changing. Are y'all ready for this? Like me, you might as well be. I am just beside myself, trying not to freak out. I knew the day was going to come, but I just didn't know it would be now, right smack dab in the middle of this IVF/FET thing. (Deep Breath - I'll try to keep this short)... Ok, when DH and I started dating over 13 years ago, I learned that he had a daughter who was (let me do the math here)... about 6 or 7 years old. Well, the way it was put to me (back then) was that her mother (DH's ex) wouldn't let him spend any time w/ his DD w/o her there. Apparently they had decided not to get married and had been round and round in court about child support etc, etc. She wanted him to pay, but she wouldn't give the child his last name (as he wanted). So, finally DH basically threw up his hands and stepped back out of his child's life to allow her mother to raise her. She probably could have pressed for child support later (due to newer laws) but never did.<br /><br />Fast forward to six years ago a couple of months before we got married. DH's ex showed up at our door and said his DD wanted to meet him. Well, it never came about for one reason or another. I guess the ex is not a drinker or a smoker and she doesn't cuss (but I guess getting pg at 17 or 18 is perfectly fine and dandy). So, this made my DH feel like he would be a bad influence on his now 14 year old DD. Because after all, we are the poster children of Anheiser Busch. We keep that company in business, I swear. Plus, he dips Copenhagen like a chain smoker, and I am an ex-smoker having now been quit for almost 4years (probably only b/c of this whole IF thing). Anyway, not that we are bad people, we just like to have a good time. So, when all this happened I was a soon to be bride trying to plan a wedding for goodness sake. It really wasn't a good time and I was relieved that it past. After all, this was DH's thing to deal with, and I'm not one to meddle.<br /><br />Now, fast forward to two Saturdays ago (just days after AF showed up after the BFP that turned to a BFN), I go out to check the mail. There is a letter from DH's DD. I immediately begin to shake. I mean, I knew this day was coming, no big shock there. I give it to DH and his response was "it's probably a kiss my ass letter." I assured him that it probably wasn't and that she is probably wanting to meet him. I was right, partially. It was a very sweet letter telling us about her and her family. Yes, her family... she is married and has a daughter! OMG!!!! She is 20 years old and has a DAUGHTER about 2 years old!!! I AM AN INSTANT GRANDMA!!! I'M NOT EVEN A MOTHER YET (and may never be), but now I am a Grandmother... WTF! What kind of evil god is doing this shit to me! Crap, I lost it right there and then... I became a big blubbering mess for the rest of the day... where's the budlight and the valium!<br /><br />I have sooo many mixed feelings about this. I have gone from being excited for DH to finally be getting to know his DD to being totally pissed off. Oh gosh there is so much more to say, but I need to collect my thoughts. I mean, what kind of mother was her mother that didn't stress about the whole teenage pg thing... helloooo! Maybe, it's me. I guess that's the norm these days. Like I said, getting pg at 18 is perfectly fine and dandy for these people. I now wish I had done it (or tried to do it) way back when... hind sight is 2020. After all, who needs birth control anyway. Hell, have 10 kids if you can and you want to.<br /><br />DH & his DD have corresponded back and forth with letters and then emails and phone calls. She is really pushing to get to know us, and it is scaring me to death. I'm just not ready. He met w/ her this past Saturday and the visit went well. She even came by last night around 9pm w/ her DD, but I managed to be asleep on the couch and avoided meeting her. DH met her in the driveway and they talked a little. She was dropping off a photo of the two of them from the Saturday meeting.<br /><br />Another thought, this may be the only "children" that I have and get to know. These may be the only people who come to visit me (at the mental institution - hahaha) at the nursing home one day. The only people who make sure they aren't abusing me in there. These may be the only people who cry at my funeral. I really want so badly to open my arms and my heart, but it is sooooo hard to do right now, the way things are. Holy crap! This is unbelievable, but I do feel better getting this off my chest. Maybe you all can keep me from going insane.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-83455260816629002462008-03-10T12:34:00.003-04:002008-03-10T12:41:11.858-04:00Post IVF Follow Up AppointmentMy RE didn't have too much to say other than it was just the luck of non viable embryos. There must have been something wrong w/ them. He referred to an embryo being like a cancer. It will invade and take hold if it is a good one. It was really a waste of a tank of gas to get there and back. Everything that was said, he could have told me over the phone really. Plus it was really, really bad weather. A tornado warning was issued as I was driving (in a big city i'm not familiar with). So add that to the stress of it all. Anyway, we are good to go w/ FET he said. We have 4 embryos and there is a 70% thaw rate, so hopefully we will have 3 to transfer. I just start the patches on day 1 and call to schedule day 13 appt. He stressed though to start the patches w/ very first site of bleeding/spotting. You know how normally day 1 isn't until actual flow. So anyway I guess that's where we're at and what I am now waiting on.<br /><br />Oh, and he said baby aspirin wasn't necessary for me. Any ideas on this, should I take it anyway. I've heard so much about it helping and that it doesn't hurt to try it. I'd hate to go against his recommendation but.... you know the whole thing about me being my own best advocate... ??????Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-74789690172763695462008-03-03T14:16:00.007-05:002008-03-03T17:08:18.121-05:00On The BallI must say, the RE's office is on the ball this week (or last week rather). I received the "Cryo Packet" in the mail, and it has everything that one needs to move on to FET. There is a cost sheet, instruction sheet, consent form and even all the necessary prescriptions (for estrogen patches, PIO & syringes & doxycycline). Wow, I am quite impressed. We are good to go, well, actually, now I'm waiting to hear that the b/w from today (at a local lab) reveals a 0 Beta HCG level.<br /><br />Oh, does anyone have suggestions for questions to ask my RE when I go in on Friday for my Post IVF appointment? Other than, "what went wrong?" Things like, "should I take low dose aspirin this time for FET?" What about if they will transfer day 3 or do they let them go to day 5 blast? Or does it make a difference? There's only 4. I'm guessing they will thaw all 4 (pray that all make it) and transfer all of them. So, it may be that day 3 or day 5 won't matter. I don't know, I'm just starting on this new obsession and trying to get hope back. One thing's for sure, I'm not telling a soul. No one (IRL) except DH will know about this. They will just know that it's something we are going to do, just not right now. The superstitious part of me feels that everyone was too hopeful and acted like it was "in the bag" so to speak. I wasn't the one telling everyone either. Thanks Mom and MIL and DH and SIL. I know they are (were) all excited, but geeezz.<br /><br />*Updated to add: Beta HCG is now "in the negative range" according to the nurse. I guess that's a 0. So, no more b/w, for this cycle is done.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-64212107931946748532008-02-29T10:27:00.007-05:002008-02-29T12:38:29.644-05:00Yummy...Well, I did it... how friggin' good does this look? <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_QK296syomaX7X-jYhkuAzAqdRSLKEpjOdFpE0UhYu84KEYOG0nUhLSCGZmmUDYz81XaVopjaPDeoYP3BEf4he9eLC6naTGl_18kFUAzZNvgbjoulhK8F3y0-cL8Ze09vKlCs_nZqH8k/s1600-h/IMG_1423.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_QK296syomaX7X-jYhkuAzAqdRSLKEpjOdFpE0UhYu84KEYOG0nUhLSCGZmmUDYz81XaVopjaPDeoYP3BEf4he9eLC6naTGl_18kFUAzZNvgbjoulhK8F3y0-cL8Ze09vKlCs_nZqH8k/s320/IMG_1423.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5172424340071466258" /></a><br /><br />Please excuse the messy icing. I never said I was a pro.<br /><br />All I know is, it tastes even better than it looks... yum, yum, yum... nuff said.<br /><br />And, no, my slice was not that big. DH had a slice too...<br /><br />hahahaha.... ;)Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-63226998073793186382008-02-27T15:55:00.006-05:002008-02-29T11:46:27.510-05:00Chocolate DrunkI have been on a chocolate binge for the past few days... I am going to bake <a href="http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/101275">this</a> ... maybe tomorrow. I've been wanting this cake since a few days before ER and never made it because of the whole chocolate / caffeine thing. I had even bought all of the ingredients. My plan was to make it, eat a piece or two, and then give it away by ET day. Well, as we all know how plans go... I never got there, time actually flew by during those few days. So now... I am there!Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-76023401051351284272008-02-26T14:26:00.004-05:002008-02-26T14:36:11.615-05:00FinallyThe spotting started last night. Today is full flow AF (or MC - take your pick) with some intense cramping. I'm relieved that it is finally happening. I was not looking forward to it not happening naturally. For one, we don't have the money for any more procedures like a D&C or for the medication needed to take care of it. So anyway, I called and scheduled my Post IVF appointment for next Friday (03/07/08). There's no hurry, really. I also scheduled another beta blood test for this friday (02/29/08) to see if the HCG is down to 0. I am waiting for a few more days just to give it more time. God knows the b/w is not cheap either. Atleast the nurse said there is no charge for the Post IVF appointment. Wow, something for free! Well, not really free, but you know.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-50911658627114088502008-02-25T12:51:00.005-05:002008-02-25T13:07:10.052-05:00Still KickingI'm still alive, yet still waiting on the end to begin (aka waiting on AF/MC to occur). I'm not sure what to think about this. I really figured it would only take a few days to happen, but there has only been slight cramping, but no spotting at all. Hmmmmm ... ??? Anyway, the nurse wants me to call tomorrow to get the orders for another beta. I wonder what she'll say to the lack of activity in the MC department.<br /><br />I have remembered what could have been an important pivot point in this whole loss thing. On the Friday morning before my first beta (02/15), I woke from a very strange dream. I threw it aside as nothing and the wee bit of brown spotting as normal, but more and more, I think it was the point where things started going downhill. I had a dream that I was having sex. I couldn't see who the guy was, but that's not important. I did, however, have a really, really good orgasm in this dream, and then I woke up. I was having some pretty intense cramping. It really wasn't too bad, but it was enough to make me roll around in the bed for about 15 minutes. So now I wonder did the cramping cause the dream or did the dream cause the cramping and then, ultimately, the loss? damnit, damnit. I know I'll never know, but damnit.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-50948610474151111882008-02-20T16:45:00.002-05:002008-02-20T16:50:20.560-05:00Game Over, I GuessGot the call... beta dropped to 137. Nurse said to stop all meds and wait for AF. I'm supposed to call next week to get another beta to see if it's down to 0. This just sucks big fat ass! Anyway, I'm gone from here for a while. Thank you all for your support and kind comments. They have helped so much. Congrats to all who are getting BFP's and to ones who aren't... I feel your pain. Now, I think I'll go crawl in a hole somewhere...Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-22201306419861048602008-02-18T10:55:00.007-05:002008-02-18T11:50:42.433-05:00I Spoke Too SoonSee... I knew I was getting too excited about this. I just got the call about my second beta. It didn't double. It only went from 309 to 422. Crap! The nurse wasn't too happy about it, especially since it has been 3 days. She said it could be that there were multiples and maybe I lost one over the weekend. Or, she said it could be an ectopic. Anyway, she wants me to do a third beta on Wednesday. I did have some brown spotting on Friday and then some red spotting on Sunday, but nothing heavy, no cramping, nothing. I kinda figured the red spotting could have been from sex or from me sticking my finger up there with the Prometrium. So, after some discussion, we decided for me to continue the PIO shots along with the Prometrium thru Wednesday until I hear back from her about that beta. Ok, now how am I supposed to concentrate on work? Arghhh!!!<br /><br />I don't know but my butt was doing really good with the PIO shots up until the past few days... OMG! both upper cheeks feel like they have been through a war zone. I'm gonna tough it out though.Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3817158721637142713.post-85214011730194001222008-02-15T14:10:00.004-05:002008-02-15T14:19:35.679-05:00This Just In...I just got the call from the nurse at the RE's office.<br /><br />My beta was 309! <br /><br />Whooosh! Man, I feel much better. How bout that for a number? I was hoping for anything, but for it to be over 300, HOLY COW! And, I get to start the Prometrium suppositories tomorrow and then stop the PIO shots Tuesday. I'm not looking too forward to the suppositories. Oh well, I'm just so excited, I don't care. Well, it's official...<br /><br />I am pregnant!<br /><br />YEAAAA!!! And my Estradiol was 609 and Progesterone was 134. Now I get to spend the afternoon calling Grandmas and Aunts. Gotta go...Azalea Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393333351553174824noreply@blogger.com7