Toughin It Out

Well, I'm making it thru the week. I didn't win the raffle for the free IVF cycle, so that's gone w/ the wind. I didn't expect to, but it would have been a nice surprise.

This week would have been my due date week (depending on which calculator you use). It was somewhere between Oct. 18th and 24th. So I'm trying to not get too sad. I may need an extra dose of Celexa though. A guy at work (did I mention I've gone back to work - it's great, really... gravy paycheck and all)...anyway, his wife is bringing their 4 month old by in a little bit. She's brought him by a couple of times, and I've struggled thru with a smile on my face. Hopefully today will be the same, but it's still hard.

I need to get back into reading others blogs. I miss keeping up with others, but then again, I tend to get too wrapped up into it.

Anyway, bye for now.

Still Around

Well, I'm still alive. Sorry I have been gone, but I just had to get away from the blog world of IF for a while. My regular OB/GYN put me on a mild anti-depressant which I must say is a good thing. I thought I was dealing ok w/ the first IVF not working, but things just went downhill. So she put me on generic Celexa. It has helped tremendously.

Anyway, there is an IVF seminar this weekend where they raffle off 3 IVF cycles, so wish me luck...

Well... It's Here!

Only two days left until my 36th b-day on Thursday. WAIT!... Before you wish me a happy birthday, there's nothing happy about it. I was supposed to be pg. And if turning yet another year older isn't bad enough, then there's mother's day on Sunday. Way back when this IVF stuff began, this week was the week that I had been either waiting on or dreading. And now that it's here, it's as bad as I had imagined. I just don't want to be here. I want it to be next week already. Every year, I seem to have a lot of anxiety about my birthday, and it's gotten worse since we found about our IF. Before, I guess I just didn't like being the center of attention or that people do stuff just for me. Now, it's a whole other can of worms.

On top of all this, there's DH's DD. I surely hope she doesn't wish me a happy mothers day or even worse, do something for me on this particular day... crap! How am I supposed to deal with it if she does?

I guess I'll just lean on my ol' friend... avoidance.

Hopeless

Well, I got the call. Beta was negative. Just as I expected. So, that's it. I am done here. I am to stop all meds and I removed my patches.

Thanks for all the support and well wishes. You guys are great! I will probably still lurk around out of habit.

As for my next step... um, well, I just had my first caffeine drink in 2 weeks... a big ole Coca Cola, and then I'll probably have my first alcohol drink in a little while... not sure yet what it will be, either a Budlight or a homemade from scratch pina colada... yummy... or maybe one or several of each. I just took a long, hot shower and then a long hot bath.

As for my next step on the IF front... um, well, I'm not sure. I had to talk DH into doing IVF this one time (1 fresh & 1 FET). I had hoped for more embryos to do more FET's but that wasn't the case. So, now it's back to square one. We are completely out of money, so I'll have to save up on my own and beg him to possibly do another one. It's not that he doesn't want a baby, he just can't justify spending that kind of money on it. As for me, I could do it over and over at least a couple more times. I guess it's the desperation. As for now, it's time to lose about 20 lbs and try to enjoy the summer.

Wow, I sound really upbeat. It's weird like that. Maybe it's the estrogen patches, because on one hand I'm relieved and ready to move on, but on the other, I'm facing my empty life. That's what it is... an empty life, full of hang overs and avoidance. I've turned into a total freak. It's like I can't carry on a conversation with anyone, I can't relate to anyone (except you wonderful people). It's this big ugly thing hovering over my head... argh!

Alright, I'm tired of talking about it, and my eyes are burning.

1 day until Beta

And I don't feel anything other than AF type twinges/cramps. I'm hoping for a miracle. I don't have any sore bb's or any other pg type symptoms. I did POAS yesterday and got a BFN. It was not an early pg test, so I'm hoping it was just too early. I have been extremely moody, but I think this is due to this being IT (along w/ the estrogen patches). Anyway, at this point, it has either worked or it hasn't. Please let this have worked.

I have CRS... BAD!!!

I can't remember shit!... CRS! I can't remember if I take my vitamins & aspirin in the mornings. The other day, I couldn't think of a guy's name (at work) that I talk to on a regular basis. I forgot about the PIO that one night... CRAP! I just had a panic as to if I was supposed to have put on 4 new estrogen patches today. I had to break out the calendar and count back to a day when I could specifically remember having put them on. I couldn't think of what those little red bugs were called (and I was even looking at a picture of one)... um, a lady bug... helloooo ??? I mean, WTF? This has been going on since before the transfer, or I think it did... I CAN'T REMEMBER. I feel like such a scatter brain, and that is so not like me. Maybe it's the evil progesterone.

I feel like there's more... but once again, I can't remember!!! hahaha...

All In Knots

I wanted to report that, during the night, I had a weird feeling in my ute area. It wasn't really cramping. I don't think it was gas, etc. It was like a knot feeling, like my whole uterus was a knot (tight feeling). It was still there after I got up to pee and didn't get worse or subside, but it was just enough discomfort for me to be take note. This morning it was gone... I am at 5dp3dt.

Oh, I found something new to do while I'm awake in the middle of the night... I rub my butt to help the PIO knots go away. All the while I try to find the next place for DH to stab me in between them.

Just got the call from the nurse about my "Half Time" labs bloodwork. My E2 is at 196 and P4 is at 50. She said everything looks good and to keep on the patches and PIO.

Off and Running

The 2WW is off and running. This is 3dp3dt (if my math is correct) and hopefully implantation is in full swing. I have noticed a good amount more of CM but that is probably just the progesterone or estrogen or pineapple.

Funny story... I had cut up the most delicious pineapple (from Sam's Club) and had it chillin in the fridge for the week. Well, my Brother and SIL came by with their plethera of girls (ages 5, 7, 8 & 12). Anyway, I had plenty of it (the container was bulging) so I offered them some. I tell you what, it's a good thing I had already eaten some earlier, because it was gone in about 2 minutes. It looked like a feeding frenzy, I swear... hahaha. I should have known better. Usually those girls won't eat anything but junk food. I figured they may eat about half of it. Boy, was I wrong. This morning I had to go get another one. Of course, it's not nearly as ripe and sweet yet, but I cut it up anyway and ate some near the top that was pretty ripe (and yummy sweet).

4 on Board

Well, transfer went well yesterday. I didn't get a chance to post because of being on bedrest. Anyway, all four embryos thawed, but they weren't all of great quality. There was an 8 cell grade 2, a 6 cell grade 2, a 4 cell grade 3 and a 3 cell grade 3. The RE said the first two were ok, but the other two were not so ok. So that's it. All four were transferred. I'm not too optimistic about this, but there's not much I can do at this point. I have been taking a prenatal vitamin w/ an extra folic acid vitamin and a low dose aspirin. Hopefully, this will do the trick. Oh, and don't forget the pineapple. I'm such a dork, I know... :)

I have half time labs on 04/16 where they check E2 & P4 and then Beta, E2 & P4 on 04/23. Now it's just time to wait it out.

More Info

I spoke with the nurse this morning. I called to remind them that I am 2 1/2 hours away. And she said that they had that down in my chart, but she did give me a tentative time for transfer... 10:30 am on Friday, 04/11. Yeaaaa, now was that so hard for them. She said they wouldn't be thawing until that morning so they won't be able to give any kind of a thaw report. I guess if the embryos make it, they make it. If they don't, they don't, and they'll call me on the road. Also, I'll have "Half Time" labs on the 16th and then my Beta will be on the 23rd. I had to ask (finally) what the half time labs are. She said they just check my levels (E2 & P4) half-way thru the 2WW. I guess my 2WW actually starts today. Oh, and I now know the strong urine smell is from the PIO... b/c it's baaaack. Only 2 days on it and yuck. Another "Oh"... I forgot about the PIO last night. DH mentioned it at 9:38pm and I said "CRAP, I knew there was something I was forgetting."

Also, I went to the Chiropractor Monday. Man, I was overdue for a neck crackin'. And then, I splurged and got a massage Tuesday. Man, it was heaven. I'm hoping it helped me to relax. I tried to tell her about what all is going on. Little did I know that she is a very "Fertile"... 5 (grown) kids and all. She kept telling me to relax and visualize being pg, etc, etc. I do need to relax, my whole right side of my body is so tense. I think it's from 15 years of computer work. She also told me to not let anybody massage my feet or ankles once I do the transfer and get pg. Which I'm glad to have someone who "knows" to tell me something to do or not do. I felt so good yesterday afternoon. I need to do that more often.

Anyway, my DH's DD friend requested me on MySpace. I'm such an old person. I do have an account, but I don't have any pictures or anything. I basically opened an account (months ago) with the minimum info required, just to look up other people... hahahaha. I accepted her request, but now I feel somewhat like an idiot b/c I don't have anything (photos, etc) in my profile. And no, I'm not gonna rush out and start posting stuff. I just don't want to take the time. Maybe I can do a little bit here and there during the 2WW.

Lining Check

Today is day 14 and I had my lining check along w/ b/w & u/s. At first, the RE thought it was only a 6T, but after a little more poking and prodding, he said it was an 8t. I was hoping for something closer to a 10, but I guess an 8 will do. Transfer is set for Friday, 4/11. They will call me that morning with the time to come in. Hopefully, my lining will thicken even more over the next few days. I'm up to 4 patches every other day and I started the PIO and doxycycline (antibiotic) today.

I can't help but notice how my emotions are all over the place today. Hope is no where to be found - thankfully. I just can't get out of my mind that this will probably not work. One minute, I'm fine with it and the next, I'm tearing up. I'm trying to stay busy to keep my mind off of it.

DH's DD came over yesterday w/ her DD. It was a good visit. She stayed pretty late (midnite) and she and DH talked the whole time. I went to bed around 9 b/c I had to get up to drive 2.5 hours to my RE appt. this morning. I was a little annoyed that she would keep a baby (9 mo old) out until midnite! Am I over-reacting about this? Anyway, her DH works until 12, so I guess she's used to staying up w/ the baby to go pick him up from work. I had made a pallet on the floor for her to lay her down on, but I could hear her still awake from my bed (around midnite). Oh well, I'm not gonna judge (too much). I'm just glad that DH and she were able to talk for a long period of time.

Anyway, more later... just waiting on Friday... yeaaa!!! Pray that all 4 embryos thaw ok... the RE is expecting that only 3 will make it (70-75% rate). Either way, we're a go for FET as I'm paid up... $1,927.00.

Gettin It Done

Well, I just e-filed our tax returns... YEAAAAA! just in time for TGIF. Now, on to next week's FET. I think I am really nervous about it. What if it doesn't work? This is it. There are no more embryos to try again. The only way we could try again is if MIL gives us more $ (and specifically says to use it for another try), or we win the lottery, or I get a job w/ IVF coverage. On top of that, I practically had to beg DH to do this one try. He's not one to spend so much money on something without there being better odds (you know). This is the reason MIL would have to specifically say to use the $ for IVF. He would not go for it, unless this happens.

On the other hand, it would be a relief to get back to living.

Things I would do if this doesn't work:

1. Go on a crazy diet and lose weight
2. Exercise.
3. Travel, travel, travel.
4. Get a 2 seater sports car.
5. Go all out on renovating our house.

There are more, but they've skipped my mind.

But............. What if it does work? Crap, I'm not gonna let hope get even a toe in the door. I'm just too superstitious. I did tell my Mom, MIL, SIL & BIL just because they've asked.

It's almost here. I'm up to 4 patches and I go in on Monday for lining check. So, next week will be somewhat eventful.

One of Two Is Done

Well, one of two anxieties is done with. I finally met DH's DD yesterday afternoon. She is sweet and cute, just as you would expect a 20 year old to be. And her DD is just as sweet and cute as a 9 month old is expected to be. The three of us (me, DH & DD) had a good, light hearted chat at the kitchen table. She seems very personable and genuine. Nothing too deep was discussed. Mostly, we ooh'd and aah'd and the baby who was discovering all the dirt on the kitchen floor. I desperately need to clean this house. I just hate house cleaning, hate it, hate it. The other anxiety (AF) is still MIA.

Actually there are four anxieties that I would like to get done with before the FET:

1) Meet DH's DD - done!
2) AF to show up
3) Finish project for work so I can do #4
4) Taxes - UGH! dreaded taxes

If #3 doesn't get done soon (like, by this Friday) due to people making changes, then it will be put on the back burner, and I will move on to #4. I just cannot wait until mid April to do our taxes. I absolutely refuse to wait until then. I will get them done, done.

Edited to add: AF has actually decided to show up today... yeaaaa! So, two of two (errr, four) things... done! I immediately put on a Vivelle dot, and then I called and scheduled my day 13 appointment for b/w and u/s for Monday, April 7th. Actually, this will be day 14, but my RE won't be there on Sunday, and I guess day 14 is fine. Then transfer will be 2 or 3 days after. We have 4 day 3 embryos in the freezer, and I am praying that at least 3 of them thaw ok. So, FET #1 has officially started.

Nothing New

Well, I was expecting AF to arrive yesterday. Of course, she didn't and still no sign of her today. So, I'm just waiting and doing a TP check quite frequently. As for the new DD, I did not meet her this past weekend. She is not quite ready, and I am somewhat relieved because I'm not ready either. DH did take her to breakfast yesterday (Easter) morning. It was just the two of them. I guess that was a good thing. This is totally unfamiliar territory, so I don't know what to expect, or how to act or anything. But, I am just not going to worry about it, or try to not worry about it... I guess. That's all for now. Like the title says "Nothing New".

Olive Branch

Ok, I just extended an olive branch. I responded to DH's DD's email for him. I told her that I am excited, yet nervous, about meeting her. That I knew the day would come, but I didn't know when. I also told her that I wish it would have happened many years ago. Now, I'm really nervous. I haven't had this feeling in the pit of my stomach in a long, long time. Like back in school when it was cheerleading or dance line tryouts. I didn't even feel like this with any of the IVF procedures, not even before surgery. I'm definitely gonna need a valium to meet her... just to take the edge off. I just so happen to have some from my dentist (believe it or not) for TMJ... woohoo, gotta luv my dentist.

Oh yeah, HAPPY SPRING!!! I have been waiting all winter long for this day... yeaaaa!

At A Loss Here

I didn't really want to post about this, but I guess I might as well since it is life changing. Are y'all ready for this? Like me, you might as well be. I am just beside myself, trying not to freak out. I knew the day was going to come, but I just didn't know it would be now, right smack dab in the middle of this IVF/FET thing. (Deep Breath - I'll try to keep this short)... Ok, when DH and I started dating over 13 years ago, I learned that he had a daughter who was (let me do the math here)... about 6 or 7 years old. Well, the way it was put to me (back then) was that her mother (DH's ex) wouldn't let him spend any time w/ his DD w/o her there. Apparently they had decided not to get married and had been round and round in court about child support etc, etc. She wanted him to pay, but she wouldn't give the child his last name (as he wanted). So, finally DH basically threw up his hands and stepped back out of his child's life to allow her mother to raise her. She probably could have pressed for child support later (due to newer laws) but never did.

Fast forward to six years ago a couple of months before we got married. DH's ex showed up at our door and said his DD wanted to meet him. Well, it never came about for one reason or another. I guess the ex is not a drinker or a smoker and she doesn't cuss (but I guess getting pg at 17 or 18 is perfectly fine and dandy). So, this made my DH feel like he would be a bad influence on his now 14 year old DD. Because after all, we are the poster children of Anheiser Busch. We keep that company in business, I swear. Plus, he dips Copenhagen like a chain smoker, and I am an ex-smoker having now been quit for almost 4years (probably only b/c of this whole IF thing). Anyway, not that we are bad people, we just like to have a good time. So, when all this happened I was a soon to be bride trying to plan a wedding for goodness sake. It really wasn't a good time and I was relieved that it past. After all, this was DH's thing to deal with, and I'm not one to meddle.

Now, fast forward to two Saturdays ago (just days after AF showed up after the BFP that turned to a BFN), I go out to check the mail. There is a letter from DH's DD. I immediately begin to shake. I mean, I knew this day was coming, no big shock there. I give it to DH and his response was "it's probably a kiss my ass letter." I assured him that it probably wasn't and that she is probably wanting to meet him. I was right, partially. It was a very sweet letter telling us about her and her family. Yes, her family... she is married and has a daughter! OMG!!!! She is 20 years old and has a DAUGHTER about 2 years old!!! I AM AN INSTANT GRANDMA!!! I'M NOT EVEN A MOTHER YET (and may never be), but now I am a Grandmother... WTF! What kind of evil god is doing this shit to me! Crap, I lost it right there and then... I became a big blubbering mess for the rest of the day... where's the budlight and the valium!

I have sooo many mixed feelings about this. I have gone from being excited for DH to finally be getting to know his DD to being totally pissed off. Oh gosh there is so much more to say, but I need to collect my thoughts. I mean, what kind of mother was her mother that didn't stress about the whole teenage pg thing... helloooo! Maybe, it's me. I guess that's the norm these days. Like I said, getting pg at 18 is perfectly fine and dandy for these people. I now wish I had done it (or tried to do it) way back when... hind sight is 2020. After all, who needs birth control anyway. Hell, have 10 kids if you can and you want to.

DH & his DD have corresponded back and forth with letters and then emails and phone calls. She is really pushing to get to know us, and it is scaring me to death. I'm just not ready. He met w/ her this past Saturday and the visit went well. She even came by last night around 9pm w/ her DD, but I managed to be asleep on the couch and avoided meeting her. DH met her in the driveway and they talked a little. She was dropping off a photo of the two of them from the Saturday meeting.

Another thought, this may be the only "children" that I have and get to know. These may be the only people who come to visit me (at the mental institution - hahaha) at the nursing home one day. The only people who make sure they aren't abusing me in there. These may be the only people who cry at my funeral. I really want so badly to open my arms and my heart, but it is sooooo hard to do right now, the way things are. Holy crap! This is unbelievable, but I do feel better getting this off my chest. Maybe you all can keep me from going insane.

Post IVF Follow Up Appointment

My RE didn't have too much to say other than it was just the luck of non viable embryos. There must have been something wrong w/ them. He referred to an embryo being like a cancer. It will invade and take hold if it is a good one. It was really a waste of a tank of gas to get there and back. Everything that was said, he could have told me over the phone really. Plus it was really, really bad weather. A tornado warning was issued as I was driving (in a big city i'm not familiar with). So add that to the stress of it all. Anyway, we are good to go w/ FET he said. We have 4 embryos and there is a 70% thaw rate, so hopefully we will have 3 to transfer. I just start the patches on day 1 and call to schedule day 13 appt. He stressed though to start the patches w/ very first site of bleeding/spotting. You know how normally day 1 isn't until actual flow. So anyway I guess that's where we're at and what I am now waiting on.

Oh, and he said baby aspirin wasn't necessary for me. Any ideas on this, should I take it anyway. I've heard so much about it helping and that it doesn't hurt to try it. I'd hate to go against his recommendation but.... you know the whole thing about me being my own best advocate... ??????

On The Ball

I must say, the RE's office is on the ball this week (or last week rather). I received the "Cryo Packet" in the mail, and it has everything that one needs to move on to FET. There is a cost sheet, instruction sheet, consent form and even all the necessary prescriptions (for estrogen patches, PIO & syringes & doxycycline). Wow, I am quite impressed. We are good to go, well, actually, now I'm waiting to hear that the b/w from today (at a local lab) reveals a 0 Beta HCG level.

Oh, does anyone have suggestions for questions to ask my RE when I go in on Friday for my Post IVF appointment? Other than, "what went wrong?" Things like, "should I take low dose aspirin this time for FET?" What about if they will transfer day 3 or do they let them go to day 5 blast? Or does it make a difference? There's only 4. I'm guessing they will thaw all 4 (pray that all make it) and transfer all of them. So, it may be that day 3 or day 5 won't matter. I don't know, I'm just starting on this new obsession and trying to get hope back. One thing's for sure, I'm not telling a soul. No one (IRL) except DH will know about this. They will just know that it's something we are going to do, just not right now. The superstitious part of me feels that everyone was too hopeful and acted like it was "in the bag" so to speak. I wasn't the one telling everyone either. Thanks Mom and MIL and DH and SIL. I know they are (were) all excited, but geeezz.

*Updated to add: Beta HCG is now "in the negative range" according to the nurse. I guess that's a 0. So, no more b/w, for this cycle is done.

Yummy...

Well, I did it... how friggin' good does this look?



Please excuse the messy icing. I never said I was a pro.

All I know is, it tastes even better than it looks... yum, yum, yum... nuff said.

And, no, my slice was not that big. DH had a slice too...

hahahaha.... ;)

Chocolate Drunk

I have been on a chocolate binge for the past few days... I am going to bake this ... maybe tomorrow. I've been wanting this cake since a few days before ER and never made it because of the whole chocolate / caffeine thing. I had even bought all of the ingredients. My plan was to make it, eat a piece or two, and then give it away by ET day. Well, as we all know how plans go... I never got there, time actually flew by during those few days. So now... I am there!

Finally

The spotting started last night. Today is full flow AF (or MC - take your pick) with some intense cramping. I'm relieved that it is finally happening. I was not looking forward to it not happening naturally. For one, we don't have the money for any more procedures like a D&C or for the medication needed to take care of it. So anyway, I called and scheduled my Post IVF appointment for next Friday (03/07/08). There's no hurry, really. I also scheduled another beta blood test for this friday (02/29/08) to see if the HCG is down to 0. I am waiting for a few more days just to give it more time. God knows the b/w is not cheap either. Atleast the nurse said there is no charge for the Post IVF appointment. Wow, something for free! Well, not really free, but you know.

Still Kicking

I'm still alive, yet still waiting on the end to begin (aka waiting on AF/MC to occur). I'm not sure what to think about this. I really figured it would only take a few days to happen, but there has only been slight cramping, but no spotting at all. Hmmmmm ... ??? Anyway, the nurse wants me to call tomorrow to get the orders for another beta. I wonder what she'll say to the lack of activity in the MC department.

I have remembered what could have been an important pivot point in this whole loss thing. On the Friday morning before my first beta (02/15), I woke from a very strange dream. I threw it aside as nothing and the wee bit of brown spotting as normal, but more and more, I think it was the point where things started going downhill. I had a dream that I was having sex. I couldn't see who the guy was, but that's not important. I did, however, have a really, really good orgasm in this dream, and then I woke up. I was having some pretty intense cramping. It really wasn't too bad, but it was enough to make me roll around in the bed for about 15 minutes. So now I wonder did the cramping cause the dream or did the dream cause the cramping and then, ultimately, the loss? damnit, damnit. I know I'll never know, but damnit.

Game Over, I Guess

Got the call... beta dropped to 137. Nurse said to stop all meds and wait for AF. I'm supposed to call next week to get another beta to see if it's down to 0. This just sucks big fat ass! Anyway, I'm gone from here for a while. Thank you all for your support and kind comments. They have helped so much. Congrats to all who are getting BFP's and to ones who aren't... I feel your pain. Now, I think I'll go crawl in a hole somewhere...

I Spoke Too Soon

See... I knew I was getting too excited about this. I just got the call about my second beta. It didn't double. It only went from 309 to 422. Crap! The nurse wasn't too happy about it, especially since it has been 3 days. She said it could be that there were multiples and maybe I lost one over the weekend. Or, she said it could be an ectopic. Anyway, she wants me to do a third beta on Wednesday. I did have some brown spotting on Friday and then some red spotting on Sunday, but nothing heavy, no cramping, nothing. I kinda figured the red spotting could have been from sex or from me sticking my finger up there with the Prometrium. So, after some discussion, we decided for me to continue the PIO shots along with the Prometrium thru Wednesday until I hear back from her about that beta. Ok, now how am I supposed to concentrate on work? Arghhh!!!

I don't know but my butt was doing really good with the PIO shots up until the past few days... OMG! both upper cheeks feel like they have been through a war zone. I'm gonna tough it out though.

This Just In...

I just got the call from the nurse at the RE's office.

My beta was 309!

Whooosh! Man, I feel much better. How bout that for a number? I was hoping for anything, but for it to be over 300, HOLY COW! And, I get to start the Prometrium suppositories tomorrow and then stop the PIO shots Tuesday. I'm not looking too forward to the suppositories. Oh well, I'm just so excited, I don't care. Well, it's official...

I am pregnant!

YEAAAA!!! And my Estradiol was 609 and Progesterone was 134. Now I get to spend the afternoon calling Grandmas and Aunts. Gotta go...

Sittin Round...

Waiting on 2 pink lines. I have been singing that song all afternoon. Anyway, I broke down and bought a 3 pack FRER. Just did one and 2 pink lines... yeaaaa! (afternoon pee). The test line is about 80% as dark as the control line. The cheapie this morning w/ FMU was about the same as yesterday, still pretty faint, but the FRER w/ afternoon pee is much darker. Here is a rundown of symptoms:

Headache - no
Boobs hurts - no
Blue veins - no
Cramps - not really, more like pinches and pulls
Nausea - no
Food Cravings - no
Fatigue - not really, yesterday a little
Backache - some, but I haven't been able to go to Chiropractor, so that could be it
Spotting - no, only once yesterday, otherwise not one bit
Heightened sense of smell - definitely! (or my hooha has a funky odor)... I think it's the heightened sense of smell though. I've noticed it with other things too.

I feel really lucky. I hope this keeps up, and I hope tomorrow is good news as well. I am now 10dp3dt or 13dpo or 1dtb. One day til beta! or better... 12 hours!!! They open at 7am and I am there (no appt. needed).

Total spent on HPT's +/- $40. Not too bad.

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day! One I will never forget that's for sure. :)

Holy Cow!

Got a slightly more visible second line this morning... but I'm trying not to jump the gun yet. I just went to the bathroom and (warning, tmi to follow)... had a clump of brown gooey discharge, yuk, i know, but there is no other way to describe it. It was just on the toilet paper for the first wipe and then a little for the second WTF wipe and then nothing on the third wipe. I wasn't sure which hole it came out of (sorry, tmi), but it didn't have the smell/odor (gross) to be from that one... sorry way tmi... hahaha... Please let it not be a bad sign. Maybe just ... i don't know... implantation spotting or, in this case, discharge? I have no other symptoms. I had sore bb's early last week, but now nothing. I do have a few pinches and pulls down there every once in a while, especially during the night when I'm laying there trying to go back to sleep. I had been doing good with sleep, until the past couple of nights. Anyway, here is the photo...




I swear, I don't see how you ladies can not POAS! You truly are strong women.

I'm at 9dp3dt or 12dpo or 2dtb.

I Hope This Is It

Because we are almost out of money... I never did add the last few costs since my itemized list of all of this. I need to add the additional Bravelle that I had to order... $499 + $10 for Saturday delivery, and then the $100 for Semen Cryopreservation.

01/25 Meds - even more Bravelle 509.00
01/21 Meds - more Bravelle & Menopur 998.00
01/17 IVF Start Appointment 9,560.00
01/08 HIV & Hep Lab & Nurse visit 120.00
01/12 HIV & Hep Lab fees 463.26
01/08 Semen Cryopreservation 100.00
01/08 Semen Analysis 95.00
12/18 Meds - Bravelle, Menopur, etc. 1,596.34
12/13 Sono HSG / TT/ Nurse consult 335.00
12/18 Meds - doxycycline for him & BCP's 34.12
_________
Total for IVF $13,810.72

Now, let's go back some more...

09/27 Laparoscopy - hospital fee 4,739.08
RE's fee 2,000.00
Anesthesiologist's fee 492.00
Pathologist's fee 135.00
Pain meds 10.08
09/19 Pre-op 70.00
_________
Total for Lap $7,446.16

09/07 HSG - hospital fee 708.60
RE's fee 250.00
Doxycycline 6.13
_________
Total for HSG $964.73


GRAND TOTAL to DATE $22,221.61

$25K is almost gone... damnit! We could have used this money for so many other things, but if this works it will be soooo worth it I just know it! Thanks again MIL, and thanks to my Mom as well for all of the moral support. It can be just as important as the money.

I'm sure I'll have to update this list again because of the Beta test(s), etc, etc.

But Then I Slipped...

I broke down yesterday and did it. I had been reading where people got their first BFP's at 10dpo. It just so happens that I had an expired OPK stick from many years ago. Put it this way, it expired over a year ago, and those things have a couple years shelf life. Anyhoo, there were 2 lines... HOLY CRAP! The one was really faint but it was there. I figured it was faulty because it was expired. Then, it just so happened that my pee sticks came in the mail shortly there after. So... what the heck, I have plenty now... and I swear there is a very faint line... HOLY CRAP! again! I used same pee as before because I had used a cup (hoping for HPT's to show up). I was going to post this yesterday but got side tracked when DH came home from work early. This morning I POAS'd again... tell me what you think...



OMG! I have NEVER EVER EVER seen a second line on an HPT !!! I pray it's not the trigger still in my system or cheap tests. It's been 12 days since the trigger and some say it's gone in 10 days.

I'm at 8dp3dt or 11dpo or 3dtb.

Thank you all for the wonderful comments. I know some of you are receiving bad news, and I feel somewhat guilty about even thinking about being happy. I do realize it is still early and that things may change.

I Survived...

Somehow, miraculously, I managed to put on my happy face for the baby shower. It actually wasn't bad at all. I guess I had my "it's gonna work" hat on. There were even two new borns being passed around (other side of the family). There were a few select people who knew about our IVF (my Sister and SIL, Niece and, of course, my Mom). They were all excited and hopeful. Both my Sister and SIL are nurses, so they have an understanding of the "not for sure" part of IVF. If there were other's who knew, nobody said anything. Oh, and the Mother-to-be knew, and she was very sweet and hopeful as well (and about to pop). But, thank goodness, no big deal was made and no stupid comments were made. Anyway, I managed to smile and ooh and ah as much as humanly possible. I went with a pink bag and even came home with a pink bag. Yep, I won one of the "games" that was played. I felt so smart because it was one that took brain power. :)

I had lost count of what dpt or dpo or dtb that I am. Wow, imagine that. I had to count on my fingers (too early for brain power)... I am 7dp3dt or 10dpo or 4dtb. Wow! 4 days til beta!

Also, I want to say that my heart goes out to all of those who have received bad news over the past few days. I am deeply saddened by all of your losses. It really pisses me off that anyone has to go through this painful process.

Everything Pink...

I Hope I didn't jinx myself. Earlier today I went to Target and bought the gift for tomorrow's baby shower. I was so lost in the newborn baby section, but I bit the bullet and muddled thru the registry. It wasn't that easy. She must have done it online b/c there were a lot of things that were "limited availability in store". But I managed to find one thing on there, and then I bought a couple of other little things, a card, a bag and tissue paper - all of which was pink. I'm trying not to stress over it. I still may chicken out on going. If it weren't for it being family, I would be long not going. Anyway, when I got to the register I had what I would call "Infertile Mind Induced Nausea". There was just so much pink, ugh!

It's 4dp3dt or 7dpo. I guess I could start counting down to beta... Let's see... 7 days til beta. Half way there... I'm sure next week will go at a snail's pace.

3dp3dt or 6dpo

A few things...

1. Let's hope this has happened. I know, I know, it may take longer.

2. Left hip is again the better hip for PIO shot. This morning it went ok.

3. Has anybody else experienced this? Since Tuesday, I have noticed a strange odor from down there. Is it from the progesterone? It's almost like a burnt something smell. I want to say a burnt flesh smell, but not real sure if that's it exactly. Strange, I know, but it doesn't seem like a bad smell, just weird. I know it is too early to be "anything", but it's just odd. I do have some creamy mucus, not of any color other than creamy-ish. (Sorry if TMI)

4. Happy Chinese New Year. The Year of the Rat. Turns out it is the year I was born. Maybe it will be a good year for me.

5. I've gone to 2/3's decaf tea and it's really good. I may go all the way on the next gallon.

2dp3dt or 5dpo

Well, PIO shot was a bit uncomfortable this morning. I guess my right side is just more sensitive or something. Left side seems to be the winner, but I'm probably talking too soon. Anyway, here is a website that I stumbled on years ago and just rediscovered it... The Visible Embryo. It is really neat and informative. I am here. Let's hope this is beginning to happen.

Does anyone have any suggestions or opinions about whether to eat or not eat pineapple for implantation? It's too late if you say to not eat it, b/c I had some yesterday and today, as well as this past weekend.

1dp3dt or 4dpo

I'm doing good. PIO shot was a breeze this morning. That makes the left hip, the preferred hip. I haven't had any spotting or cramping, yeaaaa. But when I went to the bathroom a few minutes ago, I did have some paste like reddish brown mucus on the toilet paper and bits in the bottom of the toilet. I have yet to search this online, but I feel it is normal. I'm thinking it is a s/e of the PIO. Also, my boobs have been quite tender since Sunday night, so I know that is from the PIO as I was not w/ embryos until Monday. Anyway, I am supposed to be going to a baby shower this Saturday. Crap! It's been years and years since I've had a baby shower to go to. What to do? It will be too early to know if I'm pg, but this is a family member so I'm sort of expected to go. Get this, it is my Nephew's Wife of 1 year who is due in March (I think). Great, Wonderful. I will be a Great-Aunt and my Mom and Dad will be Great-Grandparents before I can even give them a Grandchild (not that my siblings haven't given them plenty - 10). Plus 4 step Grandchildren and one instant Great-Grandchild when said Nephew married said Wife 1 year ago. Anyway, they all know somewhat about this IVF cycle, thanks to my Mom keeping them informed, but I just don't know how much. I get really aggravated when people ask me over and over about stuff. I feel like I should walk in and announce... "IT'S TOO EARLY TO KNOW ANYTHING". Just to get it over with. Maybe that would shut em all up. Oh boy, maybe I should just send a gift. Oh well, I'm off to the WWW...

Oh, here is the U/S photo of the transfer. The three embryos are between the two + signs.

I've Been Tagged!

I've been tagged by Duck.

Here are the rules to the game:
1) Link to the person that tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least 3 people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6) Let the fun begin!

Ok,so six non important things about me...

1. I used to think I liked yard work, but now I know I don't. Actually, I hate it. We are in the middle of cleaning up a jungle and it is not fun. Some 30+/- years ago somebody went crazy planting boxwoods and azaleas (yes, I know "Azaleas" but we are the Azalea City by golly so they are everywhere). Anyway, I'm sure it was fun at the time, planting tiny shrubs and bushes, etc, etc, watering them and watching them grow. And they were kept up until we moved in and neglected them for several years. I want a totally easy to keep yard where all you have to do is mow. Well, where all DH has to do is mow. I do like flowers though, so I container garden quite a bit and grow a few veggies.

2. This is somewhat connected to no. 1. I used to think I wanted to redo/fix-up an older house, but now I know I don't. If you can, imagine a 1960-something basic ranch style brick house. When we first moved in, it had wall to wall 20-something year old gold shag carpet that was way past needing to be removed. Anyway, we have spent the last 6 years slowly trying to fix it up and fix where it has been remuddled and chopped up. I now know that I want a house that is done, finished, where all I have to do is move in. All appliances work, all light fixtures work, all flooring is decent, roof doesn't leak, etc, etc.

3. I think I was Italian in a previous life. In this life I am a White/English/Irish girl w/ fair freckled skin and red red hair (actually auburn). But the reason I think I was Italian in a previous life is that I absolutely love pizza. Not so much the toppings but the pizza sauce with a little bread and cheese. I think I could eat it everyday. It's all about the pizza sauce.

4. I am a very to myself kind of person (thanks mostly to this whole IF thing). Nobody in real life knows about this blog, not even my DH, not my Mom, no friends, nobody. I don't really have very many friends, again, thanks to this whole IF thing. I (we) avoid most all social situations and holidays w/ family. Isn't that pathetic. We hang out mostly w/ DH's sister and her DH who went through IF about 15 years ago and were unsuccessful. So she and he are about the only ones outside of our parents that we talk to about it and who know what's going on. But they are excited about the prospect of us having a baby. She (SIL) wants me to have 3... one for my mom, one for her mom (my MIL) and one for her. So, fingers crossed.

5. I actually have work to do, but would rather do this. So I work for a few minutes and then blog for a while.

6. I am quite impressed with myself at how I've been able to just stop drinking beer (almost cold turkey). I have been cutting back the last few weeks and haven't had one since Sunday night (night before transfer). We, being in our mid 30's and early 40's, have developed quite a tolerance for alcohol. I mean we are pretty much professionals. My DH still drinks at least 6 or 8 beers a night. I had gotten up to 5 or 6 some nights. Every night. Our montly beer bill was as high as (if not higher than) our grocery bill. I guess it's will power. I quite smoking 3 years ago (or has it been 4). Anyway, I am soooo glad I did too. I don't see how non-smokers put up with smokers... yuck!

Ok, so now I'm tagging... Carrie, Busted and ? (still working on it). Seems so many have already been tagged. I'll have to look around more.

Have fun. :)

Picked Up Our Youngins Today

Yes, I'm attached already. Dangerous, I know. Transfer went well today. We have 3 on board and 4 in the freezer. I don't have photos of the actual embryos, but I do have a photo of the ultrasound right after the transfer. I will have to upload it later as I am in bed on the laptop. Anyway, the 3 that were transferred were all 8 celled, grade 2 embryos. The 4 that were frozen were also all 8 celled and 3 were grade 2 and 1 was grade 3. I am quite pleased with their progress. I even got a "Report Card" with all of this on there. Funny, they have already gotten a "Report Card" and they aren't even here yet... ha, ha, ha.

More later...

Oh, PIO shot sucked this morning. Ouch!

And, I've been tagged by Duck so I've got to get busy on that. Yeaaa, something to do during the 2WW.

The Magnificent Seven on Super Sunday

Well the Magnificent Seven are where they should be on this Super Sunday. They are all 4 cells each according to the RE, who just called. I feel so special having an RE call me on a Sunday morning. Anyway, 4 of them are grade 2 and 3 are grade 3. They did ICSI which is why all 7 of them fertilized. Transfer is set for tomorrow (Monday) morning at 8 am. Yeaaaaa! We have embryos. This is the closest I have ever been to being pregnant. This is just so surreal, wow! I'm trying not to count my chickens though. I know there's still a long way to go.

Oh, and the PIO shot wasn't bad at all this morning. This was the first one. We'll see as time goes on.

Have a great Super Sunday!

Missed The Mark

When I was first sitting down on the bed this morning, I commented to the nurse on how sore my butt was from the trigger. She gave me this strange look and said he must have gone too far down and that I shouldn't be this sore. So he did, in fact, miss the mark. As I was getting this panic look on my face, she leaned in and said it's ok for this (the trigger). But apparently for the PIO shots he needs to be sure to get it in my muscle. I guess so I won't be so sore. So I now have these nice little bullseye circles on each hip. Anyway, it went beautifully. Seven little eggies and the nurse was pleased with that number. I am a bit sore down in my lower pelvis (which I expected), but other than that, I feel fine. I just woke up from a 3 hour nap thanks to acetaminophen w/ codeine #3, which was absolutely wonderful. Now, I just have to wait til Sunday morning for a phone call to find out how they fertilized and when to expect transfer. It could be Sunday (day 2) or Monday (day 3) or Wednesday (day 5).

Have a good weekend.

Trigger Time

Trigger went good last nite (I think). I didn't feel it at all. DH did a good job, except I think he missed the upper outer quadrant. He went more to the upper inside quadrant - or well, right on the centerline between the two, but there is nothing we can do about it now. I'm trying not to obsess about it. The spot is a little sore this morning, but other than that... nada. I was thinking that I felt some egg maturing going on during the nite, but I think it was just gas (as I found out later)... hahahaha. Na, but really, I have been quite tender in that area since yesterday morning, and even more so this morning. I am ripening up! hahaha. Anyway, more about the event...

8:40 pm: I finally decide it is time to go get the syringe, the needle, the alcohol and the trigger vials.

8:45 pm: Table has been rubbed down w/ alcohol, clean paper towel is laid out w/ all shot supplies displayed for me to begin mixing (vials have been swabbed w/ alcohol as well). (a few deep breaths - watch a little tv for a minute or so)

8:50 pm: I begin, now starting to panic (no reason, just nerves). I get the water in the powder and swoosh it around for a minute or two. I look at it and swoosh some more just to make sure. Then I begin to withdraw the medicine into the syringe when I realize that the needle won't reach to the bottom of the vial like it will with the stim vials. Oh no, how do I get it all out. I turn it on it's side, bending the needle a good bit, but still not getting it all. So then I turn the vial upside down, but I'am afraid to pull the needle back. What if I pull it out too far? Anyway, I finally get it all out. I had to carefully pull the needle out to just before pulling it out of the vial (yikes). Ok, so on to changing to the injection needle and getting the air out.

8:55 pm: Shot is ready. DH gets out of his recliner. I pull my pants down to expose my right rump. He rubs it down with the alcohol. We discuss where to do it (or more like, debate where to do it). Finally, I say, "just do it". But then I realize it is only 8:56 pm... "WOAH! STOP! We still have 4 minutes!" DH laughs. I reminded him that they said, "9 pm SHARP", not 8:56 pm. So we stand there for 4 minutes counting down, "3 minutes", "2 minutes - don't go anywhere", "1 minute - come here". Finally, "It's time, It's time!... Do It. I don't care where, just DO IT!"

9:01 pm: It's done. I didn't feel a thing, and the whole time I reassured him that I couldn't feel it (just in case he was worrying that he was hurting me). I remind him to count to 5 real slow before pulling it out and to make sure it's all gone. So, he does and we're done. I rub it in for a few minutes, and I tell him that it still doesn't hurt, I'm just rubbing it in. He's so proud, he did it!

That's it. Done. Now, just ripen up little eggs. Retrieval is tomorrow.

3rd and Final Follicle Count!

Today's appointment went pretty good. Still only 7 follicles, but I didn't really expect any more. I was just hoping they would grow and they did. On the right, we have an 18 and a 13, and on the left, an 18, a 17, 2 - 14's and a 9. So, I am to do one more night of stims (3 Bravelle and 1 Menopur) and then trigger tomorrow (Wednesday) night at 9pm. Retrieval will be 8 am on Friday (we have to be there at 7 am). He said we should get 6 eggs and seemed quite optimistic about it. I guess that's as good as it gets, so I'll take it. I can't believe it is finally here. It is so surreal. Yeaaaa!!

Oh, wanted to mention... funny awkward elevator moment this morning. So I guess it was "Everybody Who Is PG To Go See The Doctor Day." And, of course, they all looked miserable to be in such condition (ARGH - rolling my eyes here). Anyway, there were three waiting w/ lil ole me for the elevator. When it finally arrived, yet another pg gal got off the elevator (looking aggravated as well to be inconvenienced w/ her condition). So, we (me and the 3 pg's) get on the elevator. They all hit the floor numbers that they needed. I hit the one I needed (which the RE's office is the only thing on that floor - so it's known for what it is). So, we all start up in silence (as it usually is on an elevator) me w/ my 7 quiet little follicles and they w/ their protruding bellies, and it stops on a floor below ours. One of the RE's (that I have yet to meet) got on. I guess it was from the surgery floor or something. He looked to hit the floor number and saw that it was already lit up. He then looked at each of the three bellies and then to me and my non-belly. Anyway, one of the pg's started talking to him, b/c I guess she was an infertile too and knew him. He congratulated her as the elevator came to a stop on our floor. He looked at me and then gave me a careful smile as I got off the elevator w/ him. Funny, what do you say at that point? I just smiled w/ my tired, longing eyes and walked down the hallway and into the waiting room. All in all, I guess looks can be deceiving, b/c one of the pg's was actually an infertile.

Edited: I need to add that the pg infertile's face lit up when she started talking to the RE. She was so proud. And inside, I was proud for her...

2nd Follicle Count

Ok, I called the nurse this morning to find out what my E2 was from Friday and to get a re-rundown of my follicles and lining. My E2 was 358 and lining was a 7T (which she said was progressing good). My follicles were, on the right, a 13 and a 7 (don't know what happened to the 3rd one from before - maybe it was hiding), and on the left, a 9, 10, 2 - 8's and a 7. Anyway, I'm feeling better about the number of follicles, because maybe they'll be really good quality and like everyone says, "it only takes one."

Not Too Good

Well, I had relatively high hopes until today. My RE said that I would probably only get about 5 eggs. Which he said was low for my age (35). And that means there probably won't be any to freeze (ya think - HELLO). He upped the Bravelle to 5 and Menopur stays at 1. DAMN IT!!! Apparently, I'm a poor responder and/or my ovarian reserve is running out. Not sure how many follicles in total, I think still around 7 or maybe 8. I'll have to call the nurse Monday for a review. I was in shock as he was measuring b/c it was so quick. On the right, I think there was a 13, and a couple of 8's and on the left a couple of 8's, a 9, and a 10. I am hoping that he is just being conservative so that I won't expect too much at retrieval, which he said will probably be on Thursday. I am trying to keep an open mind that there are still 4 days (injections) before I go back in on Tuesday, and that a lot can happen between now and then. Anyway, he said I could blame heredity on the fact that maybe I wasn't born with as many eggs as some people. And that I could blame it on my Mom (who was sitting right there). That kinda pissed me off b/c the poor woman is a cry waiting to happen type person (me too). But he kinda played it off that there is nothing that can be (or could have been) done about it. It's just the way it is. So, when I got home I had to order more Bravelle. $499.00 plus $10 for Saturday delivery b/c I don't have enough to make it through til Monday. DAMN IT! Ok,,, so here are the remnants of my Friday nite cocktail...


I wish this stuff would give you a buzz. It would be so much more fun.

Fun, fun... :)

There Were Actually 7

I called the nurse to ask her about my E2 and follicle count. I figure what the heck... anyway, my E2 yesterday was 34 and I actually had 7 follicles... on the right 7, 5, 5 mm and on the left 5, 5, 5, 4 mm. She didn't seem to excited or worried about anything. I had to pull info out of her like pulling teeth. She said my E2 would catch up and that it was still early, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, we'll see Friday.

Oh, I was joking this past weekend that I had a $200 a day "habit." But then after my doctor appt. yesterday, I now have a $250 a day "habit." Oh boy, it's mind blowing when you look at it that way. And that's not even counting the Lupron. Heck, it's trivial compared to the Bravelle and Menopur.

Is there any reason to keep the extra vials of sterile water or the Q-caps? Do they recycle any of this stuff? Or is it just added to the land fills? Such a waste.

How Quickly It Goes

I want to say a special thank you to my MIL. It is because of her frugality throughout her whole life that allowed her to save her money so much so that she was able to give us the money for this adventure. And it is so shocking how quickly it goes flying out the window. Here is a quick rundown of costs from the 1st RE consult to the present. Oh, BTW, I just ordered more Bravelle and Menopur for a measly total of $998. Anyway, I'm going to start with that and go back in time...

01/21 Meds - more Bravelle & Menopur 998.00
01/17 IVF Start Appointment 9,560.00
01/08 HIV & Hep Lab & Nurse visit 120.00
01/12 HIV & Hep Lab fees 463.26
01/08 Semen Analysis 95.00
12/18 Meds - Bravelle, Menopur, etc. 1,596.34
12/13 Sono HSG / TT/ Nurse consult 335.00
12/18 Meds - doxycycline for him & BCP's 34.12
_________
Total for IVF $13,201.72

Now, let's go back some more...

09/27 Laparoscopy - hospital fee 4,739.08
RE's fee 2,000.00
Anesthesiologist's fee 492.00
Pathologist's fee 135.00
Pain meds 10.08
09/19 Pre-op 70.00
_________
Total for Lap $7,446.16

09/07 HSG - hospital fee 708.60
RE's fee 250.00
Doxycycline 6.13
_________
Total for HSG $964.73


GRAND TOTAL to DATE $21,612.61

Keep in mind that a lot of these I either paid up front and/or called and asked for a discount. It really works, you'd be surprised. Also, see my "Hardship Letter" post.

Of course, this doesn't include gas (2 hour drive one way), food, prenatal vitamins and other misc expenses, etc, etc. Dang it just flies right out the bank account doesn't it... Geeeees! I'm tired now, headache even worse.... argh.

1st Follicle Count

Everything went well today. I guess I have 6 total follicles. He counted out loud to the nurse... "on the right... we have 7, 5, 5 and on the left... we have 5, 5, 4." I didn't ask any questions. He turned the screen my way to show me what they look like. It's so cool, my body is doing something "super" as in superovulation. Anyway, he upped my Bravelle from 3 to 4 vials and the Menopur will stay the same at 1 vial. Things are about to really get going... woohoo. And I will still do the 10 units of Lupron in the mornings. Next appointment... this Friday 01/25.

Still fighting the headache... Lupron, I guess.

Green Light ... GO!!!

It was my ivf start appt yesterday and apparently it was everyone elses as well. The waiting room was as full as i have ever seen it. There were at least 10 boxes of meds there, mine included. That was a waste, the instructions tell you to bring all of your meds with you to this appt. so that the nurse can make sure you have enough. She didn't even bat an eye at them. Anyway, my ovaries looked good and they expect my estrogen to be good, so I got the green light to start stims. 3 bravelle and 1 menopur in the afternoons and continue 10 units of lupron in the mornings... next appt. monday 01/21.

Oh, and they said "No" to the Tylenol Sinus. Only "Tylenol" is allowed... bitches,,, na, j/k. They really are great and super nice. Anyway, headache is finally easing up. I guess 24 Tylenol will eventually do the trick. Hahahaha, na, I haven't taken quite that many.

First mixing of meds went ok. After all, it was my first time, but I got it eventually. Injection went smoothly. DH was there (first time for him). He, of course, was trying to tell me how to do it like he is a pro or something. I had to politely tell him to shut it. Anyway, I think I'll try a Q-cap this afternoon. I mean, hey, they came with the meds. If it will make it any easier, I'm there.

The Visitor aka Aunt Flo

Well, AF is showing up right on time... 4 days past last BCP. They said it should show up within 3-5 days after last BCP. And just like me, I'm right on track along with a few cramps, nothing too bad. I do have this horrible sinus headache. The weather has changed and man ole man do I have a headache. Last night I gave in and took Tylenol sinus because I didn't have any regular Tylenol. Anyway, it worked beautifully, but now my headache is back. So I went to the pharmacy earlier and got some regular Tylenol, but it hasn't worked. I guess I'll have to tough it out b/c my instructions say "Tylenol is allowed but aspirin, ibuprofen, non-steroidal anti-inflammatories, and cough/cold formulas ARE NOT." Is Tylenol sinus one of these? I guess I'll find out tomorrow. You know, wait, let me call... ...... Crap! I should have known better. I got the nurse's voicemail and then it cut me off before I could even get my number out. I didn't say anything except "this is so and so and I have a couple of questions about my IVF start appt. tomorrow morning" and then beeeeep and then some prompts to review, continue or erase and start over. Of course, none of them would respond when I hit the corresponding numbers! Great!!! I don't know if she'll get it or what. Ok, so I just called back and left nothing but my name and number... done. Anyway, now I wait.

*I say Tylenol, but I buy the generic. It's just easier to say Tylenol than acetaminophen.

Nurse Me

OMG! I am Horrible! I just cannot get anything done today!!! My brain just will not get off of this IVF thing. I have googled and yahooed and clicked on the blogs I read over and over and over. ARGH!!! I am obsessed, I swear!... I have got to get out of here and away from this computer! The latest, I just pulled out my meds and looked over them all... Again, for the 20 millionth time! I feel like my very own nurse... Nurse Me. I've never been interested in the medical field b/c I don't think I could take the blood and guts, but I think after all this, I could be a really good IVF nurse coordinator. It really is super neat, and I've done so much research. Na, I'm just rambling, but needles are getting less scary.

Anyway, somebody put a website link in one of their posts where you can follow blogs without having to click on each one individually. Does anyone know what it is?

No other dilemmas to report, just waiting on Thursday to get here.

:)

Morphology?

Oh, I forgot to mention that when I got the results of the SA this past Friday, the nurse made the statement that the number of sperm was good, but the shape of some of them was not too good. She also said they weren't bad but that we may have to do ICSI which will be an additional $1,500... Great! Wonderful! (I'm being sarcastic & rolling my eyes here.)

But on a positive note, our HIV and Hepatitis tests were negative... YEAAA! (Not that we were really worried - but we weren't worried about the SA either and look where that has gotten us.)

Thanks you guys for all the wonderful and supportive comments.

Piece of Cake

First Lupron shot... done! It was not bad at all. It did itch for about 5 minutes afterwards, but I just massaged the spot a little bit. Now it's gone. Well, there is a slight little bump there, i'm sure it's normal. Anyway, I just got through finding my meds their own little spot in a basket in the bathroom linen closet. They have been just hanging around on the table in the Fed-Ex box til now.

I am officially a member of the club. I must say, one club that I would rather not be a member of, but such is life. Up until now, I have just been talking about it. Now, I'm doing it, yikes.

Ok, that's it for now... bye.

Decaf Coffee...

Well I took the plunge. It was either cut coffee out all together or switch to decaf. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a big coffee drinker. I usually only drink 1 or 2 cups in the morning. So for the last few mornings I have just not drank any coffee at all to see if I could just not drink it at all. Well, I haven't felt myself, so, yesterday I bought a bag of decaf. I just made the first pot, which is only a 4 cup pot. I had to first stop and smell the aroma when I opened the vacuum bag. It was ok, even good. Then, as it was brewing, I noticed it was still smelling pretty good. I fixed my first cup, took a deep breath and then a careful sip.... I must say it is pretty dang good. I can't believe it... YEAAAA, I can keep coffee! I guess I have been sort of paranoid that it would suck because one time at work (one time at band camp - hahaha), I tried some decaf, and I don't know it was too strong or the brand or what, but it was not good at all. In fact, it was down right horrible. I swore from then on that regular coffee was the only way to go. Well my friends, I have turned that page in my head. I am sooo relieved.

Now, on to iced tea. This will probably not be as easy. Down here in the South, it is all about iced tea now. Sweet Iced Tea. I think I am going to start with switching out one of the three family sized bags of regular with decaf and see how that goes. Who knows, maybe it will not be noticeable.

Anyway, t-minus 24 hours and counting until my first injection of Lupron.

The Deed Was Done!

Much to my DH's desire I was able to go in the little room with him. But man, talk about a sterile environment. I don't know what I was expecting. I guess maybe a low lit room with a comfy recliner or couch and a tv w/ porn videos and magazines. For some reason I was also picturing a disco ball (don't ask me why). You know, it just seems to fit in with the 70's porn music and low lighting in my head. Anyway, it turned out to be a tiny bathroom with a million watts of fluorescent lighting. There was a tv w/ vcr & tapes & magazines in the corner, but the tv was one of those teensy tiny ones w/ a built-in vcr... it's a wonder any man is able to produce a "sample." Oh, and the chair... it was a measily folding chair! YES, a FOLDING CHAIR. We both bout fell out (w/ laughter). Anyway, I got to use that folding chair while he stood up for the whole event. So, I took my shirt off just in case he missed the cup. I could just see me having to walk back into the waiting room with a freshly tried to wash it out shirt - oh the horror! And about 10 minutes later, after a gag or two (b/c he tried to shove it down my throat) we rang the little door bell for the little Chinese guy to get it from the pass window. I think he is the head Embryologist - top notch too - but we could hardly understand him - which is too funny in itself. We (DH especially) are Southern people. Anywhere we go outside of the Southeast USA, people don't understand us and vice versa. So when the lil 4' Chinese guy came to get us to go to the little room, we had to ask him to repeat everything... well, DH did. I was hanging back in the hallway trying to not be embarrassed by my going in with him.

Then it was on to bloodwork. That all went smoothly and the nurse who stuck us was very nice and pleasureable. We decided while we were there to see one of the IVF nurses to sign all the consent forms, and I'm glad we did too. My DH's work is weird and there is a chance that he may not be able to take off work to be there for retrieval and produce a fresh sample. I asked if the sample would be frozen (I thought that I had read that they freeze it automatically in case something happens on retrieval day - but they don't!). So, the nurse immediately went to the lab and checked to see if it was too late to freeze them. They were still on the warmer and we decided to have them frozen just in case. WOOSH!... one more stress taken care of.

When we got home, I went down the "Checklist for IVF Start" and was able to check everything that was left. Soooo, now I AM READY! :)

Bloodwork and SA

Tomorrow we go to the RE's office for some mandatory testing. DH gets to supply a specimen for a semen analysis, and we both get to give some blood for HIV screening and Hepatitis panel testing. He is hoping that I will get to go in the little room with him to "help" produce his specimen, but I don't think I will be allowed in there. Either way, it's one more step in this process that is finally here. I just have a question... how the hell am I supposed to concentrate on work or anything else. This is just so all consuming, argh! Oh well, it's exciting more though. One good thing is that the weather has warmed back up... thankfully! We worked in the yard yesterday in shorts and flip-flops..... YEAAA! (yeaaa to the shorts and flip-flops, no yeaaa to the yard work - friggin leaves!)

Waiting and Freezing

I had a good post earlier. But I got side tracked and now I've forgotten it. Ok, maybe it wasn't a "good" post or I wouldn't have forgotten it, right? You got me. Anyway, not much to report other than it's friggin freezin down here. I am way down South, it's just not supposed to get this cold. I am sooo ready for spring and warmer weather. Only one more week until I start Lupron. Woohoo!!!