Well, I got the call. Beta was negative. Just as I expected. So, that's it. I am done here. I am to stop all meds and I removed my patches.
Thanks for all the support and well wishes. You guys are great! I will probably still lurk around out of habit.
As for my next step... um, well, I just had my first caffeine drink in 2 weeks... a big ole Coca Cola, and then I'll probably have my first alcohol drink in a little while... not sure yet what it will be, either a Budlight or a homemade from scratch pina colada... yummy... or maybe one or several of each. I just took a long, hot shower and then a long hot bath.
As for my next step on the IF front... um, well, I'm not sure. I had to talk DH into doing IVF this one time (1 fresh & 1 FET). I had hoped for more embryos to do more FET's but that wasn't the case. So, now it's back to square one. We are completely out of money, so I'll have to save up on my own and beg him to possibly do another one. It's not that he doesn't want a baby, he just can't justify spending that kind of money on it. As for me, I could do it over and over at least a couple more times. I guess it's the desperation. As for now, it's time to lose about 20 lbs and try to enjoy the summer.
Wow, I sound really upbeat. It's weird like that. Maybe it's the estrogen patches, because on one hand I'm relieved and ready to move on, but on the other, I'm facing my empty life. That's what it is... an empty life, full of hang overs and avoidance. I've turned into a total freak. It's like I can't carry on a conversation with anyone, I can't relate to anyone (except you wonderful people). It's this big ugly thing hovering over my head... argh!
Alright, I'm tired of talking about it, and my eyes are burning.
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Oops! I'm Infertile!
About Me
- Azalea Baby
- I am 36 years old and have been married for 6 years. My hubby and I have been trying to have a baby for 5 years. I have been living my life in 2 week increments with dissapointment after dissapointment. We have finally decided it's time to move on to IVF. This is going to be my diary and other ramblings that hopefully will have a happy ending.
My Timeline
- 04/23/08 - Beta - negative
- 04/16/08 - Half Time Labs - E2 & P4
- 04/11/08 - Thaw & Transfer Day - 4 day 3 embryos
- 04/07/08 - Day 13 (14) B/W & U/S
- 03/25/08 - AF arrived - Day 1 of FET
- 03/01/08 - Moving on to FET #1 - expect AF sometime around 03/23/08 & start Vivelle Dots
- 02/26/08 - AF showed up
- 02/20/08 - 3rd Beta - 137 - Game Over
- 02/18/08 - 2nd Beta - 422 :(
- 02/15/08 - 1st Beta - 309 !!!
- 02/04/08 - Embryo Transfer @ 8 am - transferred the best 3 8 celled grade 2 embryos and froze the remaining 4 8 celled embryos 3 grade 2 and 1 grade 3
- 02/03/08 - Fertilization Report from RE - all 7 fertilized and are where they should be - all are 4 celled w/ 4 grade 2 and 3 grade 3
- 02/01/08 - Egg Retrieval @ 8am - 7 eggs retrieved & will be fertilized w/ DH's frozen sperm via ICSI
- 01/30/08 - last Lupron Injection & HCG Trigger tonight @ 9pm
- 01/29/08 - last Bravelle/Menopur Injection
- 01/17/08 - IVF #1 Start Appt & start Bravelle/Menopur Injections
- 01/12/08 - take last BCP & start Lupron Injections
- 01/11/08 - Semen Analysis - some morphology issues
- 09/27/07 - 2nd LAP - Bilateral Tubal Ligation (cut/removed)
- 09/07/07 - 2nd HSG - Both tubes closed again and filled w/ fluid
- 03/17/05 - 1st LAP - Bilateral Hydrosalpinges opened and drained
- 02/02/05 - Endometrial Biopsy - normal
- 01/24/04 - 1st HSG - hydro suspected but both tubes patent
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7 comments:
I am so sorry!! I pray that you can try again with IVF. I am doing my 1st cycle as we speak. Good luck!
I am so sorry for your negative beta! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that everything works out where you can have another go around. Thank you for your kind words and feel free to stop by and comment any time.
I am so truly sorry. I know how badly you wanted this.
I can understand that feeling of relief, of no longer worrying if it worked or not, of no longer having to be at the mercy of these terrible hormones. I can also understand your feelings of sadness, how I wish I could make them go far away from you.
You have not turned into a freak, well if you have than I'm definitely a freak too. I feel the same weight hanging over my head and I also have the hardest time being around other people and trying to act normal. This has become such a huge part of our lives, it's so difficult to separate ourselves from it.
I hope you give yourself plenty of time to grieve and then to enjoy the summer ahead of you.
Know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.
My heart is breaking for you right now - I am so sorry. I wish it was easier for you to be able to do another IVF round - again, I am so sorry.
So sorry Azalea. I've been really cheering for you.
We're hear if you need us.
DANG!!! Hang in there.
So sorry...sometimes just having an answer can bring some sort of relief as strange as that sounds. Have a good cry over your bath and beer and keep us posted. Even if you don't know it, there are people out here in cyberspace that are thinking of you. Take it easy.
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