Still Kicking

I'm still alive, yet still waiting on the end to begin (aka waiting on AF/MC to occur). I'm not sure what to think about this. I really figured it would only take a few days to happen, but there has only been slight cramping, but no spotting at all. Hmmmmm ... ??? Anyway, the nurse wants me to call tomorrow to get the orders for another beta. I wonder what she'll say to the lack of activity in the MC department.

I have remembered what could have been an important pivot point in this whole loss thing. On the Friday morning before my first beta (02/15), I woke from a very strange dream. I threw it aside as nothing and the wee bit of brown spotting as normal, but more and more, I think it was the point where things started going downhill. I had a dream that I was having sex. I couldn't see who the guy was, but that's not important. I did, however, have a really, really good orgasm in this dream, and then I woke up. I was having some pretty intense cramping. It really wasn't too bad, but it was enough to make me roll around in the bed for about 15 minutes. So now I wonder did the cramping cause the dream or did the dream cause the cramping and then, ultimately, the loss? damnit, damnit. I know I'll never know, but damnit.